The Four Stages of Hurt
by thewr1ter
Summary: It doesn't matter how many times I have cried, it doesn't matter how much I have missed you. Nor does it matter how many times I needed you, I could NEVER love you again.
1. Stage One

The Four Stages of Hurt:

"Nothing hurts more than realizing he was everything to you and you were nothing."

* * *

Olivia sat in her apartment crying, alone, and lonely, but not wishing for company. Does that make sense? She sat drinking her third full glass of wine but she wasn't stressed because of a day at work. Does this make sense? None of her actions at this moment make sense, and she doesn't care. The one thing that she cared deeply about was gone. That one thing had the capability of stealing her heart and watching it beat in its hand. But what kind of demon could take a knife and carve its initials into the heart just to throw it away like it was irrelevant. Elliot fucking Stabler was this demonic creature that stomped all over her feelings and just laughed at her pain and sorrow.

* * *

_Yesterday…_

Olivia and Elliot sat in a booth at their favorite café. From an outsider the couple seemed to be in bliss. They sat together laughing, smiling, and enjoying each other's company. The touching of their hands and intimate gestures were the icing on the cake. But through the eyes of Olivia they were struggling. They weren't communicating, Elliot was being distant. He wasn't being as nice and caring as he used to. He was sort of slowly shunning her out of his life. She didn't understand why. Some days he would start arguments, just for the hell of it.

But this day today, was wonderful. He was the old El that she remembered. The one that could make her blush just by his gaze. The Elliot that could make her become flustered just by a comment. The Elliot that she loved and cared about deeply.

The lovely couple was deep into a conversation about the strangeness of Detective Munch's conspiracy theories; then his phone rang. He stepped away to take the call and politely asked Olivia for a minute. Once he returned she noticed that his demeanor had change. Desperate for the day to be absolutely wonderful, she wanted to help regain his cheerfulness.

"So who was that?" She asked before putting her salad in her mouth.

"It's none of your business." He angrily spat with bitterness.

"Look, I'm not trying to control your life or anything. It's just that your whole demeanor and expression changed." She stated as calmly as she could because she was taken aback by his sudden outburst.

"Like I FUCKING said, it's none of your DAMN BUSINESS!" he shouted. A few heads turned to watch the altercation and it also caught the attention of the waitress. Olivia took a minute to calm herself down, knowing that she didn't want to engage herself in one of her and Elliot's screaming arguments.

"I don't know who shoved their foot up your ass but there is no need to be putting on a show. So, I will let you calm down and get yourself together. Because quite frankly it seems to piss you off that I say fucking hello. I'll be at the precinct if you need me." With that she got up and left. Elliot was sitting at the booth eyeing the place that she once sat. A few customers pasted by him and made comments of disgust about him. He wasn't the least bothered about them. There was only one woman he had his mind set on.

* * *

Instead of going to the precinct like she said she stopped by the coffee shop and grabbed a tray of her co-worker's favorite blends. But on her way to the precinct she realized that she left some important paperwork at home. So instead of making two trips she decided to just stop by her apartment- which she bought and shared with Elliot. So when she pulled up next to the apartment she quickly hopped out and rushed towards the building hoping that she will be back out before the coffee gets cold. She decided that it would be faster is she just took the stairs. It was only three flights, it would be half the time if she took the by two.

She got to the door fairly quickly, but no longer had she opened the door she heard a strange grunt coming from inside the apartment. She immediately and unconsciously drew her weapon, and silently closed the door. She stalked towards the back of the apartment with her gun down at her side. She stopped when she found the source of the noise- in her bedroom. She heard a loud thump, and was quickly on high alert. She slowly opened the door to reveal something so devastatingly catastrophic that it hurt just to catch a glimpse of it.

Elliot was in _their _bed fucking some woman like an animal.

She raised her gun and aimed at Elliot's head. She knew what she was going to do, and she wasn't going to think twice about it. "So is this the reason you tried to bite my head off earlier?" The two people franticly tried to separate but the woman was doing a damn good job of keeping her face hidden. Elliot hadn't said a word as he sat there looking like a deer caught in head lights. "And who might you be?" Olivia asked the woman but kept her gun trained on Elliot. Then he finally spoke, "Why are you home so early, did you even go to work." He tried to change the subject. "Elliot SHUT THE FUCK UP! I will ask again, who are you?" Liv was persistent with her questioning. The woman was trying her very best to ignore Olivia was Liv wasn't up for that 'ignoring' bullshit at the moment. Then she starts talking.

"You know Elliot, I though the worst had happened when I first walked in." She walked further into the room. "I thought someone was in here beating the shit out of you, but I come in here to," She paused and took a deep breath and started again, "to this bullshit. Does our relationship not mean a damn thing to you?" She asked expecting an answer- which he didn't give. "Elliot I am fucking warning you, if I don't get answers someone will be shot and it won't be me." He seemed to be hurt at the fact that she would shoot him, but he was really questioning if she really would. He would push his luck today.

"You wouldn't shoot me." He stated as if it were the simplest thing in the world. Olivia aimed and fired next to his head showing that she was serious. "DAMMIT LIV!" She got angrier. "DON"T FUCKING 'LIV' ME." She walked closer to the dresser that was next to her. "You are making me waste my bullets, I want to use a _full_ mag when I shoot you." She said menacingly. She opened the drawer and switched the magazine while keeping a close eye on the two people who sat on her bed.

"Why couldn't you have just told me that you wanted to end this relationship? Why did you have to drag my emotions through the mud? I would have gotten over it if you would have been straight forward with me, but _no _you want to go and cheat with some slut- I mean woman. Why Elliot, just answer the damn question." She waited for him to answer when he looked in her eyes and said "Because I don't give a shit." And he flashed her that shit-eating grin that pissed her, the fuck off. She glanced over and looked at the woman whose back was facing her. All Olivia could see was the rose tattoo on the back of her neck and her blonde hair. She would never forget that damned tattoo. She looked at Elliot intensely and lowered her gun to his shoulder and fired. He was pushed back onto the bed in pain and he let out a strangled grunt.

Olivia simply grabbed what she needed and left.

_Stage 1: _

_Someday you'll Cry for Me like I Cried for You._

* * *

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the main characters. The male animal genitalia Dick Wolf does.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING DARLINGS! I WOULD SURE APPRECIATE IT IF YOU REVIEW!

I HOPE Y'ALL ENJOYED Y'ALL 'SELVES… I think I just over did it with the faux country accent, but it sends the same message. PLEASE REVIEW!

Oh! and should I leave it as a one shot or continue? either PM me your answer or leave it in the review box!


	2. Stage Two

_"Without you I'm something, with you I'm nothing. But I still thought we would be everything together."_

* * *

Today this viscous bottle of wine was tearing her apart. Olivia Benson doesn't get drunk; she vowed to herself not to get drunk. But here she was sitting on her couch with an empty bottle a wine. The more she thought about it, the angrier she got. Then all hell broke loose when the thought of Elliot crossed her mind. She stood up and angrily threw the empty bottle into the wall, which sent glass shattering everywhere. She let out an angry scream and violently pushed and kicked everything off that was on her coffee table. She went around the room and knocked off every picture of her and Elliot off of the wall. She occasionally threw one; which would cause more noise to add to the commotion. Her neighbor was knocking at the door but Olivia couldn't hear her. Her neighbor franticly did the only thing that she thought of.

"Manhattan SVU, Detective Tutuola speaking."

"Hey this is Shan, Olivia's neighbor; I think something is wrong with her. I hear a lot of things breaking and she's screaming, but she won't come to the door." She ended with her voice shaking a little.

"Ok, thank you Shan. We'll be there as soon as possible." Fin stood as he ended the call. "That was Liv's neighbor, she called saying that Liv's in there screaming and things are being broken."

Amanda spoke up and said "Okay well you and Nick go, I sit and watch the 'house' since Cragen is in a meeting. Call me as soon as you find out something." With that Nick and Fin left and were headed to Liv's apartment.

* * *

When they arrived on her floor, they heard something slam against her door then it went silent. They both drew their weapons, Fin got to the door first. "Liv open the door it's Fin." He said while he knocked on the door. Still there was no movement. "Fin, do you think we should knock it down?" Nick asked. "There's no need to, I have a key." Nick sent a questioning glare towards Fin. Fin unlocked the door and stepped inside. The two men looked and were surprise at the condition her apartment was in. Glass, broken bottles, and turned over chairs were everywhere. The only thing that they didn't see was Olivia. They slowly walked in, maneuvering around the mess. They walked back to the bedroom. There they saw Olivia sprawled across her bed. Her arm was hanging off the edge while loosely gripping a half empty bottle of vodka. Fin was the first to see her, he practically race to her to check her pulse. He lightly smacked her face to see if she was still awake.

"Liv? Liv, c'mon wake up." He turned to face Nick. "Could you find the bathroom and turn the lights on in there." Fin slid the bottle out of her hands, and moved her so it would be easier for him to pick her up. He carried her bridal style all the way to the bathroom, and slowly sat her down in her shower. He sat and just looked at her for a moment. Wondering why 'would she do something like this to herself'? Then he turned on the cold water and let it spray all over Olivia. It took her a moment for her to come back to consciousness. She almost jumped through the wall when she realized that she was in the shower; and wasn't alone. She tried to talk but it was all jumbled up.

"Liv, it's me Fin. You're okay, I got you." She jumped into his arms and cried. She cried so hard that it looked like Fin was in the shower with her. But through her tears she managed to say, "I miss him so much". It broke his heart to hear this come out of her mouth, clearly who ever this person was meant a lot to her. "C'mon Liv let's get you cleaned up." He helped her walk through the apartment, with her stumbling around; it was very difficult. He just knew that she was going to feel like shit in the morning. So he asked Nick to have some water and Tylenol ready for her to take when she sobers up. While Nick was getting the water and pills, Fin helped her change clothes. He tried his hardest not to look, but only help. But looking became a necessity when she asked him to help her take off her bra.

"Fin can you- can you help me? I can't grasp the- the clasp" she asked while her words slurred. He simply nodded his head. He searched her back for the clasps while Olivia was swaying on her feet. "Where are they?" He finally gave up looking, and noticed her fidgeting with something. "Is that it?" She just nodded not trusting her voice because she felt like crying again. She turned around and he saw the clasps in the front. His hands moved slowly because he was hesitant on doing this for her. He tried to unclasp it using one hand but that didn't work. So he tried it with both hands. "Damn Liv, how in the hell am I supposed to get this off?" She just giggled at his comment. He was so focused on the clasp that he didn't realize Nick walked in.

"What the HELL ARE YOU DOING?" Nick yelled. "What does it look like?" he said sarcastically not taking his eyes off of what he was doing because he almost had it. "YOU CAN'T JUST TAKE ADVANTAGE OF-" He was interrupted by Fin's 'yes' of victory. "Ok, Liv, hold this while I get you a t-shirt." Fin told her. Liv's hands lazily held her breast, she was tempted just to let them go but she was sober enough not to. Fin searched through the drawer until her found a shirt that looked like his size. He held it up and said "Liv, how did my shirt get over here?" He glanced over at her and she just shrugged. He walked towards her. "Don't move, I will put it over your head, just don't put your arms through the holes yet." She did as she was asked. "Okay, now you can hand me your bra and slip your arms through. I will get you some socks that will complete your look of a hobo. Again." The last part made her genuinely laugh.

While she was walking towards her den is when Fin decided to confront Nick about his little 'comment'. "What the fuck was that? Do you really think I am some asshole who fondles drunk women? I'm not a DAMN PERVERT." Nick looked apologetic. "Look, I came in and saw your hands on her breast and I thought-" "You thought what? That I was going to have fun with her before she was sober? You know what Nick, FUCK YOU." With that he left the room to join Olivia.

* * *

Fin walked in and saw Olivia curled up in a ball, crying, while desperately clutching a picture. He slowly walked towards her not wanting to startle her. He had another bottle of water in his hands that was waiting for her when all the alcohol settles in her stomach.

"Liv?" she didn't move. "Liv, look at me." He lifted her head. "Tell me who did this. That bastard made you cry, so I will make him scream, when I rip his balls off." The sheer anger and sincerity seemed to radiate from his body. Olivia stopped crying because she didn't want Fin to make any rash decisions; knowing he will. She put her hand on his shoulder to get his attention.

"Why did he do it? Why would he do something like this? Am I a shitty person?" she asked with tears in her eyes.

"Liv, NO!" he realized that he startled her so he tried to lower is voice. "You are the most amazing person in the world. You are kind, you are sweet, and you are important; even with your badassness. I don't know why some jackass could do this." She was now leaning on him crying silent tears.

"I shot him." Fin almost jumped off of the couch. "You WHAT?"

"I said I shot him. Not with real bullets, I used the rubber ones that hurt like shit but doesn't penetrate the skin. I would have shot him more than once but that '_girl_' was in there. I don't know if he told her he was involved so I couldn't blame her. She seemed so ashamed. She couldn't even look at me. All I saw was her tattoo, and blonde hair." Fin's face showed surprise when a thought popped up in his head, but it quickly vanished because he knew it wasn't possible. She paused for a minute. "Fin, guess what he said. He said he did it because 'he didn't give a shit'. Who says things like that?"

"Assholes do Liv."

"Then why do I miss this asshole so much? We've been together for two years. I really want to know what made him do this to me and why it's affecting me like this. Fin I haven't seen that bottle of vodka since after the incident at Sealview." Fin started rubbing her back knowing that this conversation brought up some old feelings and bad memories. "Why did, did, di-" She literately dashed to the bathroom. Fin could hear her pouring her guts so he grabbed the cold towel, water and he put some bread in the toaster. When he walked in the bathroom he saw Nick in there holding her hair, and rubbing her back in circles. He walked into her room and grabbed a hair tie, because he knew that she would be at it for a while.

* * *

Nick turned her couch into a temporary bed because she said she wouldn't dare sleep in there. Fin sat in the loveseat and Nick stood in the kitchen. There has been one question circulating in Fin's head.

"Liv, who is this guy you have been seeing?" He asked right before she closed her eye.

"Elliot." She said it as if it were the simplest thing in the world. Fin just stared with astonishment. He knew that he had some 'errands' to run after he leaves here.

_Stage 2:_

_Someday you'll Miss Me like I Missed You_

* * *

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the main characters. The male animal genitalia Dick Wolf does.

**Yes I used that quote from the help, even though it was slightly altered "You is kind, you is sweet, and you is important" Any who, REVIEW and tell me about what a horrible job I am doing.**

**Just Kidding, All kinds of reviews are welcome.!. O~O 3 O~O 3**


	3. Stage Three

The Four Stages of Hurt

_At some point, you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart, but not in your life._

* * *

_One week later..._

Olivia and Nick caught a case three days ago, now that they found out who their suspect was. It was time to go and pay him a visit. They drove onto 11th and 17th street, and saw the perp. walking out of the convenience store. Olivia hopped out and identified herself and told him to stop. But like they all do, he ran.

"I SAID STOP, NYPD, STOP!" She chased after him with Nick close behind her. He ran into an alley. She slowed down and drew her weapon. She didn't see him hiding behind the overflowing dumpster. He swung at her with a steel pipe. The pipe connecting with her head sent a deathening echo through the small alleyway. As soon as he hit her Nick sent a bullet flying through his shoulder, and he fell down groaning in pain. Nick ran over cuffed the man's good arm to the pipe lined on the brick wall, and ran over to aid his partner.

"Radio to central. We have a detective down and a suspect down; we need two buses to the alleyway between 11th and 17th street."

"Ten four, paramedics on the way."

* * *

When they arrived at the hospital Olivia immediately need to be scanned because she was still unconscious. They were glad that they didn't find any bleeding or swelling that was relevant to her situation. But not all news is good news.

Olivia was now awake and alert in her room waiting to hear word from her doctor. Nick sat in the room with her and they engaged in minimal conversation, but the nervousness was thick in the air. She sat in a reclined position, and was under the covers but you could still see her shaking from nerves. Nick had asked multiple times if she needed anything, and each time her answer was the same. She was starting to get annoyed with him, and then he asked a different question.

"Do you want me to call someone?" She was caught off guard with that question, but she seemed to contemplate an answer for a while.

"Could you get me my phone?" She answered with an added softness to her tone. As soon as she typed the number in her phone, the doctor walked in. So she decided that she will call after.

"Hello Ms. Benson my name is Dr. Grove and I have some news for you. The good thing about your scans is that there hasn't been any permanent damage done, pertaining to your incident."

The look of concern washed over her face. "What do you mean by 'pertaining to my incident'?"

"Well Ms. Benson-"

"Call me Olivia" she interrupted.

"Olivia, Your scan found a growth on your brain." All time seemed to have stopped; she had to force herself to remember to breathe. The tears were waiting- begging- to be release. But instead she stared with her face emotionless, blank.

"It is called meningioma, and it is located towards the right side of your brain. In your case the tumor is benign, and slow at growing. It could have been months until you would have noticed the symptoms."

Nick spoke up, seeing that Olivia was zoned out. "What are the symptoms?"

"They are changes in vision, such as seeing double or blurriness; headaches that worsen with time, hearing loss, memory loss, and the loss of smell. Also, seizures and weakness in the arms and legs can occur." She paused to see how Olivia comprehended the information. "Surgery isn't needed immediately, but it is recommended. Just press the button or come and get me when you're ready to discuss options or if you need to think about it." And with that she walked out of the room seeing that Olivia was struggling at processing it all at once. Nick was at a loss of words to say. He was unsure if she was going to talk to him. He stood and walked towards her bedside.

"Liv, are you okay?" She turned her head towards Nick. She tried extremely hard not to cry. But her lip started to quiver. Nick quickly pulled her into him while she cried. He has never seen his partner cry, so the scene frightened him a little. He did the first thing that came to mind. He sat on the bed with her, rubbed her back, and repeatedly told her that everything was going to be alright. Olivia didn't try to fight his embrace, she didn't try to deny her emotional state by saying I'm fine, and for the first time in a while she let her emotions take over.

"Do you want me to call Stabler?" Nick asked and used his last named because he didn't respect him enough to use his first.

"I want to call him."

"Well I will call captain and let him know that it is okay to come up. Okay?"

"Okay."

Nick let her to call Elliot in privacy. As soon as he left Olivia took a minute to gather her nerves before calling him. No matter what he has done, she can't help the feelings that she has towards him. Even when she knows that he doesn't deserve them. The phone rang once… twice… on the third ring he answered.

"Hello?" he said in a slightly harsh tone.

"Elliot."

"What do you need, I'm kind of busy."

She was taken aback by his rudeness. "I need to talk to you, I'm at the hospital."

'Who's that on the phone? Can y'all hurry up so we can get back to business?' She heard this voice in the background, and it infuriated her.

"You know what? Don't worry about it; I see that you are busy."

"Why are you at the hospital?" She hung up. She couldn't believe her ears. She was in the hospital with a brain tumor, and he was in bed with a woman. Not long after she ended the call, Captain walked in. He was concerned when he walked in because he saw that her neck and face were flushed.

"Is everything okay?" He asked as he pulled a chair up next to her bed.

"Is everyone here?" she asked without any emotion in her tone.

"Uh, no, we just called Amanda; she said she's on her way."

"Okay." Still her voice was emotionless, and Don was starting to worry.

"So are you going to tell me what's going on?" Liv hasn't made eye contact with him since he walked in, and every time he asked her something, her answers were vague.

"I have a tumor." She blurted out, still staring at the void space directly in front of her.

"Liv-" she interrupted.

"I have a tumor Don, and it's called meningioma, it is benign, and it grows very slowly. Did I answer all of your unasked questions?" She asked with only a hint of sarcasm in her tone.

"No."

"Then fire away captain."

"Are you okay?" There was a lengthy silence, then she finally looked at him.

"No." Don nodded in acceptance of her honest answer. Before she could elaborate she saw a figure walk past her window and approached her door. That figure had all of her attention. Then it knocked and walked in.

It was Amanda.

She walked in and smiled. She stood in the door way not knowing if she interrupted anything. "Do I need to come back?"

"No, you stay, I will give you both some privacy." With that he hugged Olivia and walked out of the door. Amanda still stood in the same spot because she was nervous and was unsure of Olivia's feelings toward her.

"You can sit right here, unless you want to stand." She motioned towards one of the two chairs that were aligned against the wall. She slowly walked towards the chair, and cautiously sat down. Once Olivia saw that she was situated, she moved to get up. Amanda quickly stood.

"Calm down, relax, I have a tumor, my legs aren't broken." She let out a laugh. Amanda clearly wasn't amused by her dry humor. Olivia sat in the chair right next to Amanda. All of the anger and distance was dissipated when Amanda walked in.

"Amanda, can I trust you?"

"Of course you can." She responded slightly offended.

"You wouldn't lie to me would you?"

"Not unless it was a live or die situation." Olivia had a few thoughts pop into her head when she said that but her facial expression was unfazed.

"Well do you-" She stopped mid-sentence when something caught her attention. "Something's on your shoulder let me get it." She brushed imaginary debris off of Amanda's shoulder, when actually she was moving her hair. That's when she saw it. She saw that damn red rose tattoo. She slowly stopped her ministrations, as if she didn't notice anything. This conversation was going to go in a totally different direction.

"Well do you think that this is a live or die situation?"

"Do I need to?" She asked confused of Olivia's questions.

"I think you need to start telling me some things."

"Liv what are you talking about." She was only half way oblivious to what Olivia was talking about.

"More like who I'm talking about." They both were standing up, unaware of who was watching right outside the window. Liv's whole face had turned red due to her struggling to contain her rage.

"Liv, you're being ridiculous." She started walking towards the door.

"You know what's ridiculous is that I saw you, with him, on top of him, in my bed. I heard you in his house. But the sad thing is that you didn't say a damn word to me. Knowing I was with him, you continued to fuck him like some whore. And no I'm not going to respect you enough to call you his mistress." Amanda stood staring at her, unsure of what to say.

"You had ample amount of time to confess. If you confessed to your wrong doings, I wouldn't even be mad; but to know that you didn't give a fuck, and tried to hide it, made it all worse."

"Liv I'm sorry." This was her only response. A soon as those words left her lips Olivia slapped the taste out of her mouth. She was hit so hard that you heard her jaw crack. She had a busted lip, and the left side of her face was sure to have a bruise.

Olivia rushed pasted her and went to the nurses station to find Dr. Grove to discuss about meeting up at a later date.

_Stage Three:_

_Someday you'll Need Me like I Needed you_

* * *

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the main characters. The male animal genitalia Dick wolf does.

Thank you some much for reading! Don't forget to review!


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